“We may meet so many people along this long road,
But it is of no use,
Until we finally meet ourselves.”
― Mimi Novic
My mom, bless her, was not a great cook. Her meal menus included a lot of meat, potatoes, and gravy, but not necessarily tasty meat, potatoes and gravy. Her oft-repeated mantra, should any complaints arise, was, “My cooking hasn’t killed you. Yet.”
Yeah. Thanks, Mom.
Why am I bringing this up other than to bask in my childhood survival? Let me try to connect the dots in my polka-dot-lined brain. It has to do with stirring up crusty little bits of who I am, and who I project I am. Maybe you feel the same…
I’m currently reading Jump… and your life will appear, by Nancy Levin (Hay House Publishing). What I like about the book are the questions peppered throughout the chapters. Questions such as:
“What do you feel you must hide for people to love you?”
“What isn’t working in your life, and what do you already know about why it isn’t working?”
And while I just said I like those questions, I’m also at a place in my life where I’m feeling kinda done with the self-beatings. In other words, I’d rather focus on what’s right in my life than continually revisiting my life-lessons, aka, mistakes, aka, dark side, or at least perceived dark side. Let’s mooooooove on already!
Scratch the surface and I’m human and quick to stumble back on old habits. Old excuses. Old, non-real, culturally fed, beliefs.
Therefore, reading further, I liked Ms. Levin’s exercise that invites stepping beyond imagined barriers. Here it is:
Close your eyes, and imagine what freedom would feel like. Allow yourself to be surprised by what you envision. You are living freely. What are you doing? How does it feel in your body? What possibilities do you see if you let go of all of the stories about what “can’t be”? What would your life look like if no one could criticize or praise you?”
I was surprised when I played this out in my head. It takes knowing what you don’t want to discover what you do want. It became clear how often I STILL acquiesce to others rather than following my instincts, desires, and momentum.
I thought I was past all the pleasing-others stuff and yet my first reaction usually falls into the, I don’t want to upset so and so, so I’ll just suck it up and do it. Arghhhhh! I’m 60 years old! Enough already.
How can I be free when I’m mired in serving myself last? One of my core values is honesty, and yet I’m not being honest when I say “yes” but scream “no” in my head and heart.
So, I’m working on it. Day by day. Moment by moment. Be honest. Be me.
Would you do me a favor? Let me know how you see yourself free and unencumbered. Have you found the keys to your true self, or are you like Mom’s gravy…sometimes good, but more often (feeling) beyond salvation?