Anti-aging Labels: The Subtle Messages We Accept

“It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

– J.K Rowling

It was one of those moments you feel like slapping your forehead and wondering why you hadn’t thought of it like that before. I was attending a meeting on “aging with gusto” hosted by the Vital Aging Network when the ah-ha instance hit. The speaker said we buy products called “anti-aging” all the time. But what if the label said, “anti-woman?” Would that be okay?

Her point, of course, is that we are culturally conditioned to believe growing old isn’t a good thing. It’s so pervasive, in fact, that we give little thought to the negative images, words, and attitudes surrounding us on a daily basis. And the assault starts early.

A gentleman in attendance said he was watching his granddaughters—aged six and eight—walking hunched over and using sticks as canes. When he asked them what they were doing they said they were pretending they were old.

“I’m old,” he said. “Do you see me that way?”

“No, Grandpa, you are not old.”

“But I am, and I don’t walk that way. Why are you doing that?”

“We saw it on SpongeBob SquarePants!”

After he shared his story an audible ripple of displeasure moved through the audience. A cartoon teaching kids that old equals feeble? Not good! But then a hand rose.

“I feel that we shouldn’t become over-sensitive,” said a woman. “I’d rather children use their imaginations. What harm is there in how they choose to depict old people? It’s just play!”

Another woman put her hand up. “I think becoming sensitive is a fine line. I hate it when a waitress or some young person calls me ‘sweetie.’ It feels demeaning. Why does she feel she can speak to me that way? ”

A man spoke out. “I used to be called Bob. Now I’m ‘sir.’ It bothers me because somehow I stopped being a regular guy and turned into an old guy.”

I thought about the various comments on my drive home. The one question that kept coming back to me was, what age will you be when you feel you are old?

No matter how I turned it inside out, upside-down, or backward, I couldn’t come up with an answer. Yes, there are thousands of messages sent through the media saying aging is akin to deterioration, disease, and dementia. That ideology certainly sells a lot of products. Do you remember when Linda Evans said, “Forty isn’t fatal?” It wasn’t that long ago women were pushed to believe forty was fatal.

I come from a lineage of feisty women who lived vibrantly until the end. Using them as role models, how am I to gauge what feeling old means? As my tablemate at the meeting said, “Living to be 105 is very different than existing until you are 105.” (That’s how old her great-grandmother was upon passing away.) She is so right! I don’t merely want to survive; I want to grow old with sass!

Realizing we have choices in how we choose to age, and in what we believe about aging? The best part of my day.

Can you think of an age-ism that bothers you? Please share!