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You are here: Home / Musings About Aging / The Creative Within

The Creative Within

October 29, 2013 By Gail 2 Comments

Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting to be born.  Floating in an amniotic dream, I’m healthy and happy and yet, I want to arrive!  As time ushers me from phase to phase of my life—childhood, teenager, adult, wife (twice), motherhood (twice), middle-aged student—I find my womanly maturity needs ever-increasing creative expression.

There are days I feel as though I’m spinning, incubating, reaching for beauty that exists all around me.  I see it so clearly!  I feel it within me!  The golden light of an aspen tree, the simplicity of wind swept grass, the soft gray-glow morning brings before the sun rises in blushing immodesty… all invite my soul to create.

And yet.

I can’t stop spinning—which is the way for me to go?  Photography? Writing? Something else?  Can I learn to paint, crochet, be a woodworker?

I haven’t stopped incubating—the breakout moment eludes me.  My work gets gentle approval, a kind word here and an encouraging push there, but the labor continues without a crowning moment.  How long can I go before my creativity is pronounced talentless and stillborn?

I keep reaching, reaching, reaching, and yet—what I want, who I am, is just. That. Much. Further. Away.  I can almost touch my creative goals, but not quite.  What am I doing wrong? More importantly, what am I doing right but fail to acknowledge and build upon?  If I don’t trust my inner voice crying out, “Keep going!” who am I listening too?

And why?

     Why are those voices quiet when I need encouragement, and loud when the words include doubt?  My time will come.  I know it.  Mom put off her travel plans until “someday.”  She died before someday came.  My dad said “one day” his ship would come in and he would live a bigger life.  He died, still waiting for the ship, one day recently.  I miss them both and choose to learn the lesson they offered.

My time?

 Is now.

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Filed Under: Musings About Aging

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A Message From Gail

Through my blog and website, I hope to share beauty, laughter, inspiration, aging & midlife lessons and advice on dealing with menopause. I will also devote time to integrative health and healing tips and news. I want feedback and questions because, while we may be sharing the journey, every woman has her own experience and her own story.

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Comments

  1. Leah says

    November 1, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    You are so correct! Life is too short to be anything but happy … “now” … some days we just need a little more direction then others 🙂

    xoxo

    Leah

    Reply
    • Avatar photoGail says

      November 8, 2013 at 1:42 am

      I don’t know if Mom ever did this to you, Leah, but when I was having a blue-day she’d ask, “Why the long face?” I’d hurrump and try to ignore her so I could enjoy my funk. She would NOT leave me alone. Before long she’d be making faces, acting like her chin was drooping, and so on. I always caved and started laughing. Do I remember why I was sad? No. Do I remember those moments with Mom and the laughter? Yes.

      When I feel lost these days I remember her silliness and get back to my smile.

      Reply

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