• Cart
  • Checkout
  • My Account
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • LinkedIn
    • Twitter

Aging Schmaging

Women's Issues Midlife And Beyond

  • Aging Schmaging
  • Home
  • Shop
    • Art
    • Cards
    • Photography
    • Scarves
  • Playshops
  • Blog
  • Portfolio
  • About
  • Contact
agingschmaging dating self
You are here: Home / Musings About Aging / Dating Myself: Will It Turn To Love?

Dating Myself: Will It Turn To Love?

June 6, 2018 By Gail Leave a Comment

agingschmaging dating self

Dating Myself

“While you’ll feel compelled to charge forward it’s often a gentle step back that will reveal to you where you and what you truly seek.”
― Rasheed Ogunlaru

I took myself on a date today.  Isn’t it strange that I felt as though I was cheating on my husband?  Seriously? Cheating by doing something for me? Yes, I felt that way. And it wasn’t even a date that was remotely naughty.

So, this morning my husband takes off to the Twin Cities. He’s attending a graduation ceremony for his 5-year-old twin grandchildren, then to lunch with a friend, and then taking care of other errands.  I was sincerely happy for him.  He was doing things that bring him connection and meaning.  And, I might add, he never once asked if doing these things was okay with me.  He just set them up and said he was going.

I started my day by doing a load of laundry, walking the dog, cleaning the cat litter box, and unloading the dishwasher. Hmmmm.  Not exactly feeding the creative muse, unless looking at cat clumps is a Rorschach test of sorts.

Other tasks that needed attention loomed all around me and my sense of responsibility was getting loud and edgy. “GAIL! You need to be doing this, and this, and THIS. TODAY, lady…”

Yeah. I know. But what if I didn’t do this and this and this, I thought.  What if I did something fun just for the sake of doing something fun?

A little tingle ping-ponged through my body.

Responsibility got crankier. “You know time wasted is time lost forever.  Get on with your work and stop daydreaming.”

Me: “I think I’ll go to a movie.”  (It’s okay to talk to myself when only the cats are here, right?)

Responsibility: “Your husband will not like it that you’re going without him. He likes movies too you know.”

Me: “I think I’ll get popcorn. All buttery and salty.  It will be lunch.”

Responsibility: “Oh for heaven’s sake. Have a healthy salad and get back to work.”

Me, getting a little petulant: “Nope. I’m going to a movie. Get out of my head!”

I’d like to say I jabbed a piece of duct tape over Responsibility’s mouth, but that would be a lie. I heard “the voice” in my head the entire time I was watching the movie.  The voice was there when I laughed out loud.  The voice was there when the popcorn gave a satisfying crunch.  It was there when I arrived home and the phone rang.

agingschmaging worry

Oh oh…

Husband: “I’m stopping at the grocery store before heading home. Need anything?”

Me: “Nope, but thanks for asking.”

Husband: “Hey, I was thinking. Do you want to see a movie when I get back?”

Me: “I just got back from seeing one, but I’d love to go again with you.”

Silence for about six seconds. Which is a really long time when Responsibility has been warning you all day.

Husband, in a deadpan voice: “See you when I get home.”

Oh oh.  How was I feeling about my self-date?

According to an article in Psychology Today, we need to take more breaks in order to get more done. *

I know that sounds counter-intuitive because taking more breaks equates to using more precious time. As women, we feel overwhelmed with our lists as it is. However, tip #4 in the article states:

Breaks increase productivity and creativity. Working for long stretches without breaks leads to stress and exhaustion. Taking breaks refreshes the mind, replenishes your mental resources, and helps you become more creative. “Aha moments” came more often to those who took breaks, according to this research. Other research suggests also that taking regular breaks raises workers’ level of engagement, which, in turn, is highly correlated with productivity.

And for me, it’s true. I need breaks to “walk through” a challenge, or a break to see life from another angle.  Sometimes it’s simple daydreaming, which isn’t simple at all. It’s uplifting and boosts creativity.

At issue is that I feel guilty for taking breaks.  I suspect it stems from childhood when any “loafing” was shamed, and the church reminded us Lutheran types that we earn our daily bread by the sweat of our brow. In other words, get back to work!

And yet, when I drove home from the movie I was smiling.  My mood was light and I looked forward to seeing my husband and hearing about his day. And, no surprise, the tasks that needed attention were still right there, waiting.  Shockingly the world didn’t crack in half because I hadn’t yet finished my daily “to do” list.  Huh.

When my husband arrived home he seemed tired. Was he annoyed with me?  It was hard to read him through my happy goggles.

“Hey,” I said. “You mentioned wanting to see a movie.  Do you still wanna?”

He was quiet for a moment. “You were just at the theater.  Do I have to buy you another ticket?”

He was teasing, so I knew we were good.  “Yep.”

“I want popcorn, “ he said. “Buttered.”

“Believe me, I understand.”  I slapped on a little lipstick, grabbed the car keys, and off we went.  The to-do list could wait a little longer.

I took myself on a much-needed date today.  And then, later, I went on a date with my lover.

agingschmaging finding our joy

Finding our joy

It’s interesting how doing something for myself created the space to be that much more loving and attentive in other areas of my life.  I felt energized instead of depleted.

When was the last time you took yourself on a date?

* https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201704/how-do-work-breaks-help-your-brain-5-surprising-answers

«
»

Filed Under: Musings About Aging Tagged With: finding our joy, Self dating, self love

Avatar photo

A Message From Gail

Through my blog and website, I hope to share beauty, laughter, inspiration, aging & midlife lessons and advice on dealing with menopause. I will also devote time to integrative health and healing tips and news. I want feedback and questions because, while we may be sharing the journey, every woman has her own experience and her own story.

Get Our FREE 
Coloring Book!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Download
Our FREE
Coloring Book!

Get Updates – Signup

Once a month one lucky winner from the sign up pool will receive a scarf courtesy of Aging Schmaging. Good luck!

Categories

  • Giveaways
  • Menopause
  • Midlife Sex
  • Musings About Aging
  • Recipes
  • Remembering
  • Sharing
  • The Best Part Of My Day

Recent Posts

  • Past, Present, and Future: What I am Learning as My Husband Recovers from A Stroke By Gail Gates
  • In One Stroke, My World Changed
  • Christmas Fingerprints On The Surface Of My Heart
  • Tears Water A Memorial Garden
  • Crap Wildlife Photography: How I received 1800 “Likes” From A Fugly Photo

Navigate My Site

  • Almost Done!
  • Free Coloring Book
  • Menopause And Women In Midlife Blog
  • Playshops
  • Privacy Policy
  • Return Policy
  • Shop
  • Silk Scarves Playshops Registration
  • Sitemap
  • Success!
  • Testimonials
  • About
  • Contact

Recent Posts

  • Past, Present, and Future: What I am Learning as My Husband Recovers from A Stroke By Gail Gates
  • In One Stroke, My World Changed
  • Christmas Fingerprints On The Surface Of My Heart
  • Tears Water A Memorial Garden
  • Crap Wildlife Photography: How I received 1800 “Likes” From A Fugly Photo

Connect With Me

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Featured From the Shop

  • habitoi silk scarf Habatoi Hand Painted Silk Scarf 101 $35.00
  • grand marais summer solstice Grand Marais Solstice $10.00 – $45.00

Copyright © 2023 · Gail Theme On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

Cleantalk Pixel